January 23, 2011

True Love Unfolds

Salam all.. okay.. this sonnet is actually a group assignment from Madam Diana's poetry class. I know it sucks but it's only because this is the first time we take on iambic pentameter and obviouly we're not good at it.
It's inspired by psychotic killers who think they're killing for love. Anyway, enjoy :)

Loving flesh of maggoted seraphim
Be the semblance of thy everything,
Thou art an example of god’s victim,
Imperfections be proof of god’s spiting,

The night’s brilliantly moonless - with two moons,
And wine’s a company – an ecstasy,
Mending god’s frail efforts through blood and wounds,
Oh, how I love thee with thy chastity,

They say beauty lies beyond the surface,
So I peel thee off to see what they mean,
I agree – thou look better with a mace,
Truly better with visible spleen,

To truly love means to make sacrifice,
To truly love means to dislocate thy eyes.

Ronald Mcdonald killed the boy.

January 22, 2011

“I’ll go to Heaven. You’ll go to Hell”

Salam all.. Well, this post is supposed to be my first article in BENSS' newsletter The Asterisk. However, as usual, it is not approved. Hence, it becomes another post in my blog.. Haha.. Anyway, this article has been edited by Farhana (the editor of Asterisk) so the words are not 100% mine; and hers are really great by the way.
For those who has followed my blog since it was cipalatcilaknat*,you will notice the old similar pattern :) Here it goes.

In this first issue of the Asterisk, Reality will shout out one of the major situations we are facing in our religious community which is usually overlooked; and no, I am not talking about dogs or pigs. I’m actually referring to a group of people blinded by the coruscating light of illusory superiority – drowned in the delusion that they are holier than others. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to judge or condemn anyone; I just want to point out to the upsetting reality of this disgraceful situation. At some point or other in our lives, there is a high eventuality that we would come head to head with people who condemn others by mere sight. And believe me, it’s a pretty big hit on one’s pride (not to mention honour) when one is looked down upon like an unsavoury can of worms.

One of the most notable things that can make us feel uneasy around this group of people is the fact that they have an uncanny tendency to ‘divinely’ prejudge others. What do I mean? Well, let me illustrate the situation; there’s a Muslim girl - wearing tight jeans and t-shirt with a rather short ‘tudung’; of course, it is not the most Islamic sight. Then suddenly, you hear this group of people whispering among themselves; their eyes full of censure, their speech filled with repugnance - reprimanding on her appearance. For me, giving disparaging remarks on how another person looks is still tolerable but when it goes to the point of saying ”Ni la jadi kalau Iman lemah” - that is really unacceptable. Obviously, the girl is not Islamically dressed but that does not mean one is licensed to condemn her to hell – or accuse her of weak Iman. In a way, doing so could be termed as slander. Now, is slander not also a sin in the eyes of Allah? We don’t even know the degree of our own Iman. How can we – mere human beings know the degree of another person’s Iman? The knowledge is exclusive only to Allah. Hence, what right do we have to declare knowledge over something only Allah knows?

The way someone dresses does not really determine his/her level of Iman. I am not implying that someone who dresses like a prostitute has a higher chance of entering Heaven, no. However, my point is that one could easily wear a ‘jubah’ and turban but at the same time be addicted to sex and pornography – attire is not the measuring instrument for piety. The bottom line is, we as human beings do not have the right to make prejudiced proclamations about another person’s relationship with Allah based on how they are dressed.

Judgemental view on how people dress is not the only thing that makes people grow discomfort towards this kind of attitude. Another thing that is advisable for this group of people is when they start talking on how non-nasyid songs are sinful to be listened to and nasyids are the only ‘halal’ music. What are their justifications? – non-nasyids are “lagha” and unbeneficial. Well, for starters, nasyids can also be ‘lagha’ or oblivious if they are heard for pure entertainment. I mean, can someone honestly say that he/she is listening to nasyids only because of Allah and not for entertainment at all? If it’s really ONLY for Allah, why not just listen to the Quran? – I bet that contributes more rewards than listening to nasyids. It’s not that I’m saying it’s bad to listen to nasyids, no – I also listen to nasyids at times. However, my point is that; we should not be hypocritical and say that we are listening to nasyids ONLY for the sake of Allah.

That's it from me. Assalamualaikum.

January 9, 2011

Dear Diary

Salam all.. Well, a few days ago, BENSS organized their Annual Grand Dinner for 2011 and it was great! I wrote a prose for that night. It was supposed to be a song but my keyboard got confiscated so I had to find a substitute for the song - hence, this prose. Since it was a last minute change, I had to come up with a solution to the unrehearsed performance. Thus, I came up with a spontaneous performance where all the actors were chosen randomly and performed on the spot. AGD was great by the way.

I watch it lie there on the bed – breathless, lifeless; yet, I feel nothing. Is it normal? Is it human? – to be looking at it and feel completely nothing? Others seem to be feeling something – at least something. They mourn, they cry, they weep, they (pause and sighs) are not me. I hear them praying for it – kneeling for God’s sympathy, pleading for God’s mercy – but for what? For what? (Pause) Sorry, I should not have asked but I can’t help myself. I probably should be feeling guilty right now but I don’t – I honestly don’t.

I see them carry it to its burial place from the comfort of my car – I don’t bother to participate. The old man who takes care of the place has been digging for hours for its new bed but all I can think of is; hurry up with it. Pink’s “Raise your Glass” is suddenly playing on the radio – a rather inappropriate but oh-so-catchy song. I am so drifted away by it – really sunk, that I never realize that someone is knocking on the window of my car. “What a nuisance”, is what I thought. Apparently, it is already in the ground and they are proceeding with the eulogy, (pause) so? Why bother me? I suppose they want me to join them but why can’t they wait until the song ends? Why? Why? Why? (pause) Sorry, I know I should not be thinking this way but I can’t help myself. Should I feel guilty now? – because I don’t – I honestly don’t.

I wake up with a smile – blissful, knowing that the day I await has come. I wash myself up and get dressed in my best outfit – oh, how I can’t wait! I light up some scented candles, turn on “trois vierges”- my favourite, and adjust the lighting to the most romantic mood – I want the moment to be perfect – it has to. Hence, I take out a piece of paper and write:

I will die soon -
very soon,
die the most beautiful death -
the death of an angel,
though, angel’s death is far from mine,
I will die soon -
very soon,
die at my own hand,
at my own will,
at my own desire,
so do not feel sorry for me,
because I go there a winner –
the most beautiful winner,
with the most beautiful noose,
I will die.

DAY -14
I was there when the doctor announced he only had 2 weeks to live. Yet, I felt nothing – Nothing at all. Was I supposed to be heartbroken? Was I supposed to be grieving? Was I supposed to be in a lugubrious cry? Because I wasn’t, not at all – but, wait, I did feel something – I felt disgusted, DISGUSTED! - I felt aghast and appalled to see him lying on the hospital bed. To be dying in such a disgusting way, to be dying in such a pathetic way - I never want die that way, NEVER! Yes, he is my father but what could I do if I felt disgusted of him? (Pause) Sorry, I didn’t think it was appropriate of me to be feeling like that. Yet, I didn’t feel guilty - I honestly didn’t, (pause) so I made the decision to throw the most beautiful death of all time. After the day ‘it’ is buried, I will die. I will die the most beautiful and honorable way. I shouldn’t be thinking like this right? Well, who cares? I don’t feel guilty – I honestly don’t.

Random pictures from the AGD which include me! hahaha